Grey Skies, My Visions Blurred

Friends. I have a few of them. Now as i look back and review my life, i don't have as many friends as i seem to have. Everything does not seem as it is. Life isn't a bed of roses. I have run out of words to describe what is happening in my life right now. I don't like the life which i'm living now. How i wish to escape to somewhere where no one know's me. That would be a far cry from the shitty life im going through. Life is weird - Don't you think so? Last year, i thought that was so far the most terrible year of my life. Now as i take a glance to the back, how it seems kinda rosy compared to the thing i've got to deal with now.

Coming back to my title, yeah as you read in the previous post you'll know what am i thinking right now. I kind of don't seem get it. I treat everyone equal. Everyone gets the same treatment from me. As long as you are someone i know and have some form of conversation with, i would consider you my friend. I don't talk bad, spoil people's image or backstab people to say the least. I don't do all these things. They seem to be out of my vocabulary but yet being unprovoked i would get some very bad treatment from people. So i think now, i'll have to narrow down my perspective. There seems to be a problem with people. They like to make enjoy their life by making people suffer. To tell the truth, i've lost all the trust i have in all the people around me. Everything seems so fake and surreal to me. Everyone seems to be a stage actor. They act out their character in school and live another life outside. I don't do that. I can't go over my conscience if i ever am suppose to do that. My life in school is the same carbon copy of my life outside it. Sometimes i wonder if i should treat anyone as best as i can. They say if you do good you'll get rewarded. I don't think so i want the reward they're giving out to people for being a good person.

The world now seems to grey to me. Nothing is right or wrong - they're just grey. Who are we to judge if someone is wrong or right? God tells us not to judge people or God will judge and deal with us. What about me ? I'm not perfect - far far away from perfect i would say. I judge people sometimes but i don't most of the time. Look at the people around me. I have people who are as clean as angels and some as filthy as flies and yet they are all what i would consider friends. i treat them all the same. Yet some people who i consider sort of closer to does something hideous to me and that is the utmost pain.

I'm not born with good eye sight. I cannot see through the lies and deep thoughts of people. I thank God however for giving me a heart which can feel and hear all. It doesnt matter if i cannot see, as long as i can feel i'll know what is happening. So to all those liars and hypocrytes out there - I may not see through you and expose you, at least deep down inside i know the true person you are.

After typing so much, nothing seem to make much sense. Its just grey.

Grey skies, my visions blurred